Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Train In Vain

Dear Dylan,

Now I am having a hard time dealing with my emotion. Every night seems long and every day seems empty. I am sure it only takes time to get on with this but I don't have a clue how much time I need. Memories keep haunting and I couldn't bear with it. I know this pain won't last forever. All I need is time. 

I don't blame anybody but myself. I am the victim of my own misconduct. Yep I am guilty as charged. I take this accident in my own hand. No one to blame, just me. But you know they all said that everything happened in our life is a life lesson. There must be a blessing in disguise. We learn from past to be better in the future. That's why I have no regret knowing you.

I know time can be hard and memories can be pain. But we did this for a greater good. There are still a very long mile to go and we both have our own plan in life. I don't think having a special relationship is doing us any good. Allah is the best of all planner. Believe in him and everything is going to be just fine. 

This thing makes me realize something about myself. The awful truth, I am suck at relationship. I am alone for most years of my life before having a year of relationship. I don't think I am the relationship kind of person. I seems don't care about things that I am actually care. I don't know how to carry a good conversation. I am afraid of commitment and I think I am too young for this. I know people who read this must thinking that I am the villain in this story. I don't mind that. I know I made a huge mistake but I'm glad to realize before it's too late.

But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. (Al Baqarah , 216)

This verses of Quran made me relied everything. We often wish our life is perfect but it didn't go as well as we wanted. But it doesn't mean that our life is doomed. Instead , it getting better and we felt no regret. There is always sunshine after the rain. You know why ? Because Allah knows what is best for us. Don't ever questioned Allah judgement. He knows everything that we don't. So why we are wasting our precious time hoping so much for something that don't necessarily be ours when Allah already has great plan for us ? I'm not the man high knowledge in religion but I believe in Allah and I think this is the best way for us before we get too carried away with feeling.

I am hoping the best for bost of us. From now on, we agreed to turn our focus on our education and family. I can't predict the future but I know Allah won't dissapoint us. Keep the faith and let's move on with our own life. 

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