Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Train In Vain

Dear Dylan,

Now I am having a hard time dealing with my emotion. Every night seems long and every day seems empty. I am sure it only takes time to get on with this but I don't have a clue how much time I need. Memories keep haunting and I couldn't bear with it. I know this pain won't last forever. All I need is time. 

I don't blame anybody but myself. I am the victim of my own misconduct. Yep I am guilty as charged. I take this accident in my own hand. No one to blame, just me. But you know they all said that everything happened in our life is a life lesson. There must be a blessing in disguise. We learn from past to be better in the future. That's why I have no regret knowing you.

I know time can be hard and memories can be pain. But we did this for a greater good. There are still a very long mile to go and we both have our own plan in life. I don't think having a special relationship is doing us any good. Allah is the best of all planner. Believe in him and everything is going to be just fine. 

This thing makes me realize something about myself. The awful truth, I am suck at relationship. I am alone for most years of my life before having a year of relationship. I don't think I am the relationship kind of person. I seems don't care about things that I am actually care. I don't know how to carry a good conversation. I am afraid of commitment and I think I am too young for this. I know people who read this must thinking that I am the villain in this story. I don't mind that. I know I made a huge mistake but I'm glad to realize before it's too late.

But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. (Al Baqarah , 216)

This verses of Quran made me relied everything. We often wish our life is perfect but it didn't go as well as we wanted. But it doesn't mean that our life is doomed. Instead , it getting better and we felt no regret. There is always sunshine after the rain. You know why ? Because Allah knows what is best for us. Don't ever questioned Allah judgement. He knows everything that we don't. So why we are wasting our precious time hoping so much for something that don't necessarily be ours when Allah already has great plan for us ? I'm not the man high knowledge in religion but I believe in Allah and I think this is the best way for us before we get too carried away with feeling.

I am hoping the best for bost of us. From now on, we agreed to turn our focus on our education and family. I can't predict the future but I know Allah won't dissapoint us. Keep the faith and let's move on with our own life. 

Sunday, July 28, 2013

No Man's Land

Dear Dylan,

Life is hard. Sometimes we assumed that our life is perfect when we got everything we wished for, nothing to worry. Everything seems fine until suddenly it takes only a tiny little mistake to change everything. That's life. It didn't always be as we want it to be. The truth is, life can be hard on everybody and It doesn't matter who we are or what we do for a living and we are always feeling not satisfied with our life. 

Let me tell you something that you're already know, the world is a very nasty place. Yep probably most problems caused by mankind but the world itself is mean and dangerous. If we are not careful, the world will pull us apart and crush our skulls alive ( lol ). The world is not your friend. We might slipped if we don't know how to survive in this world.  

I never satisfied with my life. Don't get me wrong. I'm always more than grateful to Allah for giving me a blissful life and I am happy with my life at the moment. My life is just plain ordinary and I'm not born with a silver spoon but I know there're millions people out there dying to have a life like I am.  But it doesn't mean that I'm satisfied. I always say to myself that I always want more. 

Because why ? because we are human. We always want more. If we get good, we always want better. That's normal but it depends on how hard you work your ass to get what you wanted. A lot of people wants to be rich but not all of them succeed. It depends on your determination and passion to succeed.

That's how life works. No matter how hard it gets , you still have to keep moving forward to get what you wanted and when you get what you wanted, don't feel satisfied. Keep aiming higher. So you will keep marching forward and forward without giving a single fuck how hard life hits you. If you decided to give up before reaching the end, life may hit you hard. Keep moving forward and be confident of yourself. The truth is , this journey has no end. Only good memories and bad memories. 

And this pointless post came from a guy who spend his 5 month holiday doing nothing. I don't even know what I'm writing. Read at your own risk. I wouldn't even read this post for a 2nd time lol. bye

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Busy Doing Nothing

Dear Dylan,

I consider myself as the most useless person in the world. Why? Because I did not do anything for the past 4 month after completing my foundation. Well not literally.. I'm just chilling at home. Not doing any job nor productive activity . Yep I felt like a fucking loser. When people asked me what I did during this long holiday , I told them I worked at TLDM. TLDM stands for 'Tidur Lepak dan Makan.' Haha i don't know. I guess it just sounds cooler to tell than that instead of telling the truth. Technically, I didn't lie. That is what I'm doing for the past several months. 

You must think that I am a lazy bum don't ya ? 

So I red this random blog last week. I was very nervous about the idea of me getting into law school so I decided to google something about what to do before entering the law school. I was looking for preparation tips that might help me because obviously, I am not ready yet to face law school. mentally nor physically. 

One of the tips was 'enjoy your last taste of freedom.' It said that being in law school perhaps the most stressful year of your life. So the author encourages every law student to spend quality time with friends and family during the holiday because you will not getting too much of free time in law school. There's gonna be tons of assignment, a lot of reading and lack of sleeping time. My reaction after I finished reading the post. 

' Fuck yeah'

I am glad. You know why ? Because that is what I've been doing this whole time. I am enjoying my last taste of freedom. Chilling with friends most of the night, spending some time with my family and doing nothing. Well time is well spent. So I guess I don't have to feel guilty about me wasting time anymore. I am clearly spending my time wisely (lol) and I should stop feeling bad about it. 

Not sure whether what I'm doing is genius or just maximum stupidity..

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Legum Baccalaureus

Dear Dylan, 

This is the story of how I met my best friend, Mr. Law.

It all began when I fucked up my SPM back in high school. HAHA seriously studying law was never across my mind. Back in primary school , i used to say I wanna be a policeman (lol), a doctor or a pilot when teacher asked me. When in high school , I started becoming more realistic about my future . I want to be a sound engineer + music lecturer (ehem). 

I'm a science stream student. But sadly, I sucked big time in science subjects. I scored C+ in Physics, Chemistry and Biology during the SPM and I am satisfied enough with the result. Sure, it felt so wrong to disappoint my family especially my dad. My dad always wanted a doctor in the family. Sorry to say, I am not clever enough to be one and neither my siblings. I also realized that I actually can't do math well. I don't think my brain is capable enough to carry on mathematical problems,equations and all of that shit. 

Yep I can do anything with memorizing and reading but not if the subject related to science and calculating is one of my life's nemesis. Although I did not have a good result to be proud of during SPM but I am still grateful. In the midst of frustration due to the result, I am still grateful because with my result, I still can apply for places in IPTAs. I had to admit that I did not work hard enough for SPM and I guess I just got what I deserved. So I decided to apply for Foundation in TESL. Nope, Law was never an option at this moment.

My father did not like the idea of me as a TESL student. I can tell he's not happy although he never said he didn't like my decision. To be honest, I am not too sure whether I made a good decision or not but at this point it seems like I don't have too much options. So I am like 'yeah whatever, TESL it is.' 

It was my brother who suggest me to take Law and he said it in front of my dad. Suddenly I saw a change of mood from my dad. He was very excited about the idea of me studying law. My mom said that being a lawyer was my dad's ambition . He ended becoming a businessman instead. No wonder he so enthusiastic and asked me to choose law as a field to study.

I had to admit that I am not a good son. I had done many things in the past that I am not proud of. In my whole life, I rarely listened to my parents' advice and it affected my life (SPM result lol). So when dad said he wanted me to study law, I was like wtf I know nothing about Law and most importantly , I didn't even have slightest interest. But I said to myself, ' this time I'm gonna follow Papa's advice. He knows what is best for his son.' Go I log-on to UPU website, changed the applied course from TESL to Foundation in LAW. 

It's amazing how a single decision made can change your whole life forever. I am living in a different world now. 2 years ago, who would thought that I'll study Law. Studying Law is the best decision I ever made in my life. I am very grateful. I know there is a reason why I didn't aced my SPM. I know there is a reason why my dad wants me to study Law and I know there is a reason why I sucked in Math and Science subjects lol. All I'm saying is Allah has a plan for me and Allah is the best planner. Believe in Allah's plan because Allah knows what is the best for his servants. 

 I completed my foundation in April 2013 at UiTM Kedah and will continue with my degree in September 2013 at UiTM Shah Alam. I already reach the first station of the journey but there's still a long mile ahead. A very long way indeed.  The final station is way ahead of me but guess what . I am on my way there. I do not want to disappoint my parents again. Not this time, not anymore.

Coffee Talk

Dear Dylan , 
Today's post is about Coffee. Well, coffee. I can't explain my addiction towards coffee. Back when I was doing my foundation in law at UiTM Kedah, I drank coffee at least 3 cups a day. During the study week, I drank almost 3 cups per night . Don't want to sound cocky but I think one of the reason I aced my foundation is because of this drink which keeps me awake at night. Yup I'm a coffee maniac and I wouldn't start my day without a cup of hot coffee. Coffee is my holy water. my elixir of internal life.
I believe there's a lot of people out there experiencing coffee addiction. That feel when u woke up in the morning and enjoy your first sip of delicious hot coffee. and BAM! you're ready to kick-off your day. I'm very choosy when it comes to select a good coffee. My favourite coffee brand is Indocafe and Nescafe Gold. Local coffee such as Kopi Hang Tuah , or Kopi 434 Muar are quite good too. Seriously, I would not let anyone make coffee for me except my mom.  I would rather make my own coffee because it just tastes better.. Yeppp I'm that choosy. Sue me. 
Some musicians also find coffee is inspiring.  Some of them have passion for this sweet glorious black nectar ( OK this is too much ) that they wrote song about it. For example, Blur - Coffee and TV, Johnny Cash - a Cup of Coffee, Cream - The Coffee Song and Sinatra - The Coffee Song. For some reasons I am pretty sure Bob Dylan also wrote song about coffee too. Well, the guy wrote song about everything so there's possibility he wrote about coffee lmao. 
So for those who loves coffee whether it's latte, cappucino, frappucino, or Al pacino (bad pun), keep drinking and spread the love. Coffee is the best drink in the planet... Period. 
So till then. bye 

Monday, July 22, 2013

Legal Man

Dear Dylan, 
So yesterday I received my degree application result. Law it is, as expected. I guess this is the new start of an exciting journey. To be honest, I don’t know what to expect along the journey. Most say going to law school is suicide. Well, I’ve to wait and see then. 

New Dawn Fades

A change of speed, a change of style.
A change of scene,with no regrets.

First post on the new blog. Well technically it wasn't the first but meh whatever. So I decided to start writing again. I guess 3 years of writing bullshit in a crappy blog wasn’t enough.

Haha I don’t know why I’m doing this but I gonna do it anyway. I don’t have specific reason why I’m writing here. Let just say that I’m boring person and this is what boring person do. So I guess I just gonna write whatever I want here and people can read if they want to. Nothing interesting though.
So if Anne Frank named her diary “Kitty”, I’m gonna name this blog too. The name is “Dylan”. Say hi to my invisible friend. I guess naming the blog will make me feel like I actually talk to somebody when I’m writing here. Pathetic indeed.
So mind the grammatical errors. I’m not too good in English and I’ll never be as good as other English bloggers. I don’t even consider myself as blogger. I am the one who got nothing better to do with his life and decided to make his life crappier by making a crappy blog. Till then bye!